neilhayeswrites

Top of the Tower: A short story (perhaps based on real events, maybe)

October 13, 2016September 18, 2019 neilhayeswritesLeave a comment

I love being up here. This is when I really feel what I have achieved. People say my Daddy helped me, yeah he did. But I made it, God damn it. Look at them, all the small people. Carrying on with their small lives, totally unaware of how things work.

But I can’t look out of the window all day, there is too much to do. Can I really do it? At the start, I honestly thought I could just stir things up. Get some coverage, maybe snag a new show. But I’m still here, amazing. Now it’s getting serious. It’s so close I can almost touch it. I can’t mess this up.

Most people are so dumb. But I’m not complaining, I’m grateful. Sometimes I wonder just how far I can go, what I can get away with saying. As long as I keep telling people it will be better, they don’t seem to care about the details.

But, just lately? I have to be careful. They can’t realise what I really think of them. What I think of everyone. They are all so small, so weak. Especially women, they are so easy to manipulate.

I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I’ve never felt anything for others. After all, Daddy made it without needing love and gratitude; so why not me. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to snuff one of them out. But that is only a passing fancy. I’m more interested in making them feel worthless, that is the real power.

I have my own children and I think they will follow in their Daddy’s footsteps. They are like something else that I have constructed. I have my trophy too; I am still a man and it makes me feel good to see the way others look at her. And even better, when they look at my daughter. I am so proud of how she looks, my boys too. And they think like me too, it’s almost like I have programmed them. But I suppose that is what you do with your children.

Now it’s time to finish this. But I have to take it one day at a time. The next few days will be tough, I hope no other skeletons appear from my past. But there are some, some that are very old and very scary. What I did doesn’t worry me, just what it could do to me now.

Well, here we go again. Just smile and keep it simple. Can it really be that easy?

Daily Prompt: Promises

October 13, 2016 neilhayeswritesLeave a comment

Promises are like cherry blossoms, beautiful but fleeting. A promise made in one moment means nothing without the following action. Do you make promises, but never keep them? I do. The promises I rarely keep are those to myself. Don’t get angry. Don’t continue arguments, after the other person has left the room. Don’t have political debates on twitter, there is no winner. Maybe it is time to make less promises, but action the ones I do make. No New Year’s resolutions, just be more resolute.

via Daily Prompt: Promises

Daily Prompt: Flattery

October 13, 2016 neilhayeswritesLeave a comment

Flattery is a wonderful thing. Everyone likes to be told they are good at something. Is there anything nicer than getting a like on your blog post or photograph? Yes, a comment is even better. I am new to blogging and being noticed and appreciated feels amazing. Of course, this can’t be the reason for what you are doing, but…

When flattery goes wrong, is when it is directed at oneself. This seems to be becoming more and more common these days. What is a selfie, if not self flattery? It is amazing how many Instagram accounts just contain one self portrait after another. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I am that interesting. But, hopefully, what I think is.

So why not spend your time flattering other people? Or maybe even show some appreciation for the world around you. Not just what is in the mirror.

via Daily Prompt: Flattery

Border: A short story

October 8, 2016September 18, 2019 neilhayeswrites2 Comments

How could it have come to this?

They are so beautiful when they sleep. This is the only time when they look innocent and peaceful now. How could anyone feel at peace in this place? The sun will be rising soon and another day will begin. Another day to hope and survive. Hope for what? That the world will begin to care. It seems like a never ending fight, with very little to win. When the final bell rings, will we be victorious? Or knocked out.

I feel torn inside, when I look at them, and the life they have. We ran from one war, one where death was a real possibility. But now we are in a different type of war. Most people in this place are good, just searching for a better life. But some need to be watched, and these are the ones that scare me. These are the ones that scare the world.

I feel like such a failure. Did I do the right thing? It cost all the money we had to get us here, money we had worked hard for. Now we have nothing and no one wants us. Yes, we are here illegally. But what choice did I have? It is hard to apply for visas or official help when the soldiers are just around the corner. He said it would be OK, he would get us to Britain, for a price. And Britain is a modern, caring country. Right? But we didn’t make it that far and now even Europeans are being looked at with distrust. What hope for people with our skin colour?

The sky is beginning to glow through the skin of our tent, another day. Yaya is stirring; seven years old but with the eyes of one who has seen too much already. She should be carefree and playing with friends, instead she protects her brother like a wolf. I am so proud of her, but wish it was for different reasons. Now, I must be strong and not show how I really feel. They cannot see the hopelessness inside me.

“Good morning my love. Did you sleep well?”, I ask. “Like I was on a bed of feathers”, she says with a smile. But she is not on a feather bed, far from it. But she is always so optimistic, she is strong for us.

Now Abdo begins to grumble, he is more of a complainer. Maybe that is the difference between men and women. Women always seem to get on with things, especially in our culture. But he is so young, all he feels is discomfort and doesn’t have to pretend for the sake of anyone else. He is the youngest, after all. Four years old and already transplanted and transferred so many times. Yaya puts a protective arm around him and welcomes him to another day, with a smile.

These are the loves of my life. Yaya, Abdo and Nadia, my wife, their mother. A beautiful, intelligent woman who also deserves so much better. The children crawl all over her, and she awakes with a smile and a laugh. Even here, there are times to make you smile and feel grateful. But soon we will step outside and join the queues for breakfast. There are good people here, who are trying to help us. But there is only so much they can do. Hopefully there will be some fresh supplies today.

A light rain is falling, this is the worst. The dampness seems to penetrate everything here. There is no escape. I step outside, and make my way to the aid station. Everyone looks unhappy and nervous, something is wrong. There have been rumours that there will be some sort of operation, to clear some of this wasteland. And here they come. I can hear the roar of the vehicles as they approach.

In a panic, I rush back to my family. As I get there, the police are approaching. They herd us into an area, away from the tents and shacks that are our homes. We have so little, how can they take it away?

Here come the machines, on tracks, carrying huge scoops in front. Ready to pile our lives together with all the others who live here. Live, it feels ridiculous to even use that word. We don’t live, we exist. I feel sick, useless. I am supposed to protect my family, that is every father’s job; no? But what can I do, other than wipe away the tears from my wife’s face. And kiss her and pray.

They call this place The Jungle. A jungle may be dangerous, but it is beautiful and diverse. This is no jungle, this is hell.

You Are Being Watched

October 7, 2016 neilhayeswritesLeave a comment

Do you ever think that you are being watched? I know I am. Every day there are two people watching me. Big Brother, or maybe his Little Sister. They take notice of, and absorb everything I do. Nothing is missed, everything is noted. Do I sound paranoid? You should be aware of this too. If you have children, you are being watched.

You are your children’s most important teacher, you are the one who will teach them how a person should behave. So behave in a manner that is appropriate. In no way am I perfect, but I know when I am wrong and I try to change. All we can do is check ourselves; if we do wrong, then try better next time. So why do so few people care?

I guess I only began to notice it when I became a parent. When you spend more time with children and their parents, you begin to notice how they behave. And maybe realise why so many children behave badly, can’t concentrate and don’t follow the rules. Because their parents can’t and don’t either.

Let me relay a recent interaction I witnessed in a national park, between parents and their son. The father jumped across a small stream, almost landing on the sign which prohibited being on that side of the stream. “Come on son, jump”, said the father. Now the son was confused and said, “But Daddy, we aren’t allowed on that side of the stream”. He, at least, cares about the rules. “I know, jump”, the father continued. At this stage, along comes the mother. “You’re not allowed on that side of the stream”, she says to the father. What does he say? “I know, come on son, jump”. My wife and I were standing as open-mouthed witnesses to this scene. But so, thankfully, were my children. They don’t just follow the rules blindly, they understand the reasons for them.

So what will happen to that boy. Hopefully he will be a totally decent human being in many ways. But he will, more than likely, be selfish and only care about his own enjoyment, just like his father.

But, of course, it is not only our children who are watching. The entire world is watching. Do something nice and maybe someone else will see it and do the same. Pick up other people’s rubbish and before you know it, others may do it also. And we will live in a cleaner, and happier world.

This isn’t new information, it has been discussed in many places before. But it is easy to forget. So just a little reminder, you are being watched.