Advice – Page 4 – neilhayeswrites

Daily Prompt: Promises

October 13, 2016 neilhayeswritesLeave a comment

Promises are like cherry blossoms, beautiful but fleeting. A promise made in one moment means nothing without the following action. Do you make promises, but never keep them? I do. The promises I rarely keep are those to myself. Don’t get angry. Don’t continue arguments, after the other person has left the room. Don’t have political debates on twitter, there is no winner. Maybe it is time to make less promises, but action the ones I do make. No New Year’s resolutions, just be more resolute.

via Daily Prompt: Promises

You Are Being Watched

October 7, 2016 neilhayeswritesLeave a comment

Do you ever think that you are being watched? I know I am. Every day there are two people watching me. Big Brother, or maybe his Little Sister. They take notice of, and absorb everything I do. Nothing is missed, everything is noted. Do I sound paranoid? You should be aware of this too. If you have children, you are being watched.

You are your children’s most important teacher, you are the one who will teach them how a person should behave. So behave in a manner that is appropriate. In no way am I perfect, but I know when I am wrong and I try to change. All we can do is check ourselves; if we do wrong, then try better next time. So why do so few people care?

I guess I only began to notice it when I became a parent. When you spend more time with children and their parents, you begin to notice how they behave. And maybe realise why so many children behave badly, can’t concentrate and don’t follow the rules. Because their parents can’t and don’t either.

Let me relay a recent interaction I witnessed in a national park, between parents and their son. The father jumped across a small stream, almost landing on the sign which prohibited being on that side of the stream. “Come on son, jump”, said the father. Now the son was confused and said, “But Daddy, we aren’t allowed on that side of the stream”. He, at least, cares about the rules. “I know, jump”, the father continued. At this stage, along comes the mother. “You’re not allowed on that side of the stream”, she says to the father. What does he say? “I know, come on son, jump”. My wife and I were standing as open-mouthed witnesses to this scene. But so, thankfully, were my children. They don’t just follow the rules blindly, they understand the reasons for them.

So what will happen to that boy. Hopefully he will be a totally decent human being in many ways. But he will, more than likely, be selfish and only care about his own enjoyment, just like his father.

But, of course, it is not only our children who are watching. The entire world is watching. Do something nice and maybe someone else will see it and do the same. Pick up other people’s rubbish and before you know it, others may do it also. And we will live in a cleaner, and happier world.

This isn’t new information, it has been discussed in many places before. But it is easy to forget. So just a little reminder, you are being watched.

My Amazing Bilingual Family

October 1, 2016 neilhayeswritesLeave a comment

My children amaze me every day. They are loving, smart, inquisitive and inventive. There is only a two year age gap, so they form a great team. People keep saying, “that will change, they will grow further apart”. But it hasn’t happened yet and I see no reason why it should. Just because it has happened to their children, people seem to think that makes it a rule. Of course, it may happen but I see no reason to expect it.

David is six years old and Tereza is four. David has always looked after his little sister and Tereza has always learnt from him. She looks up to him but, at the same time, she is very strong-willed and won’t do everything he says. Because David has always taught her, as he has learnt, she already has many of the skills which he has.

It has been an amazing journey to watch them grow and their languages develop. As they grow older they seem to follow the same patterns as each other, making the same mistakes and the same improvements. I think my children are the most amazing kids in the world, but doesn’t everyone? I hope they do!

Before they were even born, my wife and I did research into the best way to raise bilingual children. And, so far, I think the rules we have followed have been shown to work. We didn’t reinvent the wheel, we just followed the advice which seemed to make sense to us.

I believe the most important rule is simply to separate the languages. I speak English and therefore that is the language I speak to my children, God forbid they should speak Czech like I do! So, of course, my wife only speaks Czech to them. My wife and I communicate in English but it is never used as a common language for everyone. This has meant that there is not so much confusion for them between the languages.

Another piece of advice, that I remember reading, is that your children are not performing monkeys. People will be amazed when they hear children speaking two languages, effortlessly switching from one to the other. But never let people request a show, “Say something in English, go on, please”. If the person they are speaking to is Czech my kids cannot understand why they would want them to speak English, so they don’t want to.

A lot of the credit for their successful development has to go, of course, to their amazing mother. Sometimes I wonder where she gets the energy, but she always has enough to ensure they get what they need and more. She has worked very hard with them so that their first language skills are above average and so they are not held back by being bilingual. There are certainly other children their age who don’t speak Czech as well as them.
My son has just started the first year of Primary School and he cannot wait to learn, learn, learn. He has already decided that he would like to speak French. This seems to be an added benefit of being bilingual, the early understanding of the fact that different languages exist and the wish to speak them. So who knows how many languages they will know in the future.

But, as proud as I am, I am not a pushy parent. I certainly believe in allowing children to find their own path. Then, I hope, they will be happy to follow it’s many branches to their final destination.

If you want happy, intelligent and loving children my final piece of advice would be this. Find yourself a life partner with those same qualities and hold on to them tight. That’s my plan anyway.